It was like an inside joke.
One that everyone else knew but me.
And the truth is, I hesitated to share this at all because I was…preserving???
Hesitant, scared, still trying to be the nice guy I’ve always been. Holding out some sort of hope???
Hopeless hope?
Who knows.
To say that I was internally preserving would mean two things that really aren’t true.
The first being that she even cares. Not true.
And the second being that she would even care enough to search out this and read my words.
We know both are not true.
And by we, I just mean me and the cursor.
So as I sat there, I thought this woman was just overly social. Yet, she kept checking in to see if I needed anything more.
And this went on until she asked me a simple question…”what do you like to do with Sunday mornings, besides come here?”
Then, the half joking, half serious co-worker intervened as if to say, don’t answer that, she needs to get back to work.
It was in that moment that I realized the joke was on me. This was premeditated.
Apparently I was the only one who didn’t know that this was actually her way of hitting on me.
But a funny thing happens when the only woman in the world that you really want, doesn’t want you.
Everyone else seems to sense the blood in the mug. It’s almost as if I was wearing a sign that said…enjoying my coffee alone today, conversations welcome.
I left not knowing whether to feel better or worse about myself in that moment.
But as the day went on I thought maybe I just need to not be so open, so honest, so direct with my thoughts.
Maybe honesty leads me into trouble.
I mean I’ve never been more honest than in the last few years and look where that one led.